I feel numb
[and not the good kind of numb.
it's the kind of numb that suppresses everything.
the good, the bad, the joy]
I used to think that was OK,
but now
I
feel dead
[and not the kind of dead where you’re remembered.
it’s the type of dead
where you disappear]
I was fine with that
until I realized
I
would yell
but I can’t.
[my voice ran away.
and it’s not the kind of runaway
where it might come back.
but it’s the kind that left
with the intent to die]
I didn’t miss it much
thinking that
I
would laugh
except I forgot how.
[and not in the way
that I can’t remember.
but in the way that I can’t recall
what it was like]
You see, I didn’t expect
that being numb meant that
I
would cry.
but that couldn’t f*cking feel
enough [to know
what the hell
emotions are]
[maybe it’s the percocet]
